i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
