And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
