if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
