mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
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