My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
