Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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