They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
