fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
