in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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