I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
