He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
