better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
