i don't plan on having that self control this summer
the day after is always just damage control
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
