woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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