Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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