I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Two words: nipple clamps
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