mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
