Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
