Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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