you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
