he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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