Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
