Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
