Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
