Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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