I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
