If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
