i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I checked into jail on foursquare
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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