We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
