I looked at my own cervix.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
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