North Korea, Best Korea!
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
me + whiskey = a bad person
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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