Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
