well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
