I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
