how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
