Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
