I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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