and you said cock pushups were impossible
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
