he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
