I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
