thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
