No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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