Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
