The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
