I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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