His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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