I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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