3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
