I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
