he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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