I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
