I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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