we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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