You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
