Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
high people should be assigned attendants
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
