What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
