some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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